25 November marks the International Day Against Violence Against Women and the start of 16 days of activism. This time includes education and awareness raising, and especially challenging any socialization of culture and religion that teaches girl children and women to know their place in a hierarchy headed by men, not so different to the hierarchy of apartheid. At least one in four women in South Africa experiences some form of abuse or violence, usually from someone closely involved in her life.
The church cannot turn a blind eye. How many girls and women in our ‘family of God’ are being abused? We must also ask the tough question of how many church leaders are abusers, in their own homes or in ‘God’s house’. Nobody wants to hear their caring priest and inspiring preacher may be sexually harassing or assaulting a parishioner. But it happens. A 2008 American survey indicated that in a congregation of 400 an average of 7 women have experienced clergy sexual misconduct. It won’t be much different here.
This can be hard to face, for understandable reasons. We need role models and priests often fulfill this need. We put them on pedestals, and do not want them to fall, because we need the certainty that they, at least, believe and live the truths they preach. When a cleric is accused of sexual misconduct, to accept he is at fault may have unbearable repercussions on our own faith. Often it is easier to blame the woman involved, for, tragically, throughout history, the church has generally portrayed women as more sinful than men. Gender socialization also tends to blame women for adulterous relationships or the abuse they suffer from partners – through consent, if nothing else.
But if we listened to the woman concerned, we might hear of professional boundaries overstepped, or abuse of the power that comes with position or pedestal. We might hear of betrayal and trauma, of feeling exiled from all she knew and trusted, including herself. She needs compassion, not finger-pointing.
The abuser also needs some understanding of his behaviour, and the context of his life experiences. For, as one theologian has said, ‘God loves the abuser as much as the abused – that is the upside down ethic of the Rule of God.’ But understanding someone’s behaviour does not mean condoning it, if it has been harmful to others.
What can we do? The 16 Days of Activism fall within the season of Advent, that time when church and people again await the One whose Way is the Truth that brings Life. If every woman who has experienced abuse, especially sexual, by priest, church leader, husband, partner or friend, broke the silence and told their stories, we might be shocked into action and demand ‘Enough!’
We might also ask the church to address more openly and honestly the often messy and complex aspects of relationships and sexuality. Remembering Jesus comes as Emmanuel, God in relationship with us, this year I am praying for a deeper awareness of a spirituality of right relationship: within ourselves, with each other, with God and with all of creation – and for the courage to be honest and open to challenges in each of these areas. May this be your prayer as well.
